Moving on in a relationship can be one of the toughest decisions to make. It can be an emotional exercise or to the contrary, not so much. The good times, bad, and in between all replay in your head like an old VHS tape. Maybe you play the “blame game” and seek fault at your significant other, or maybe you’re the type to maturely explain why things “just aren’t working anymore.” Whatever approach you take, it’s usually not the easiest thing to do and can evoke feelings of insecurity, fear, and often regret.
So you’re in a great relationship, he loves you, you love him…or at least you think you do. You are both on cloud nine and problems come, but none too much to handle or overcome. You’ve met their parents, they’ve met yours and may have even passed the test of coming to your family reunion. Things at this point are looking promising…but sometimes promises are meant to be broken. As sad as that sounds, it’s actually a reality to many of us. Then, something happens…whether intentional or accidental, things go on the decline. You start to grow apart. Maybe you have outgrown each other over time, have matured past where you were with this person initially. Maybe there was some incident that was so bad and painful that it became impossible to go back from whence you came. It may have potentially destroyed and sucked the life out your relationship. As you can see, there are a multitude of reasons why moving on is the only realistic option. So how do you move on past the memories, the good times, the bond that you built with this person?

Good question…
I’d like to offer 3 tips that should make the transition back to the “Single Life” a bit more promising. Easier said than done I know, but …well just read em, ok?

1. Learn to Live with Regrets

I love this quote taken from “Regrets” on Jay-Z’s 1st album, Reasonable Doubt. To me, it’s an oxymoronic phrase that sums up the human healing process. There are indeed instances in life where the only choice is to deal with the past; the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s perfectly normal to have regrets about what you could have done differently in a relationship. Maybe bypassing the dozen roses as a gift for her, or not letting him watch Monday Night Football in peace was the deal breaker. What if you hadn’t argued with him or her that last time…what could have been? You may even think to yourself, “I can’t believe I acted like that, what the hell was I thinking?” Feelings and thoughts like this can seemingly eat you alive. Don’t beat yourself up over these regrets folks. It’s also vital that you forgive yourself AND the former significant other. Forgiving your past creates an unexplainable peace in your mind, body, and spirit. Learn to live with regrets, accept the lessons learned, and keep the wind at your backs. Your ship should seldom sail at a snail’s pace. (notice the alliteration).

2. Cut the Communication

I truly believe this is the factor that truly defines how serious you are about moving on. Despite living in an age where the power of communication reigns supreme, cutting off communication with your former mate is crucial in moving forward. Unless you have children together, talking, texting, facebooking, emailing, Skyping, and Tweeting(includes #SUBTWEETS), should cease; effective immediately! I have been guilty of this one (admission) and all it does is keep you tied to the pain. I see you over there, staring at your ex’s name in your speed dial list, debating on whether or not to hit the ‘SEND’ button. Save yourself the unnecessary headache by putting your phone down, (or flipping it closed if you still have a flip phone). Cutting communication is the true test in moving forward, and I’m confident that you can all get an “A”.

3. A little “Me Time”

So you’ve wiped away the tears, feelings of regret, and frustration. The dust has settled, and the sun now rises in your favor. See…I told you life would go on. I know it wasn’t easy, but be assured that your happiness trumps all. This “Me Time” is the period after the breakup when you become selfish and focus on nothing but self-fulfillment and empowerment. Use this time to be selfish and tend to your intrinsic needs; after all you HAVE been sharing yourself with your former for (insert months/years). Now let me be clear, don’t use this “Me Time” go out and be Mr. or Mrs. Rebound. Going on a dating spree will seldom fill the void of separation, and isn’t fair to yourself or “Ms New Booty.” What you should aim for is a little QT with your “Star Player” as Kat Williams emphatically states. Also, if you have a hobby or interest, spend some time at it. This is the time to get into the new Bikram Yoga class, or finally learning how to play the piano. Keeping your mind active is a healthy way to refocus.
I think most people will agree happiness and positivity is the key when moving on. It won’t be the easiest transition to make, but hopefully the decision you made is for the best. Wondering “what if” solves little and is one of life’s many unanswered questions. Just because you didn’t work for that person or vice versa does not equal the end of time. Your equally yoked mate is out there, I promise. Let your future relationship happen naturally without forcing, become true friends FIRST, then who knows, you may be inviting Phill Wade to sing at your wedding. It could happen, life can be strange like that…

Written by DJ Kendrick
Follow me on Twitter: @Dkendrick1

www.PhillWade.com